defriended

I have been defriended. It's not the first time I have been defriended, although this one is much less painful since it was really just the illusion of friendship that social media such as Facebook facilitates. The first time I was defriended I was 22 and it was a literal lifelong friend. I made a tough decision and she did not agree with it so she abruptly ended our friendship. One day we were the best of friends and the next day we were not. Just like that. It was on the phone that I told her of my decision. That was our last conversation. It was a terribly lonely time for me. I am not cynacal or bitter or distrusting of folks. It did however teach me a lot about friendships..how to be a friend and how to choose friends.

I suppose I should admit I have defriended someone on Facebook as well. It was a complete accident. For a time, Facebook had the option under someone's post to comment or like or delete or block. I meant to hit like and I hit block. After countless hours and a couple of weeks I was able to make her my friend again. I honestly thought I was going to have to call Mark Zuckerberg to get permission to be her friend again! We tried everything. I had to go into my privacy settings and change some things. Once I changed the settings, Facebook made me wait 48 hours before I could ask her to be my friend! I suppose that was time to think things over.( I think Facebook has changed all this now.) That is a good amount of trouble to go through but she is a good friend.

Back to my being defriending. I was not really defriended after all. To be defriended implies there was once a friendship. I was simply taken off a list. None of us really have 672 friends. I suppose our innate need to feel significant drives us to social media such as Facebook. The Lord put that longing there. It has a purpose. He deliberately created each of us with a need to connect...to know someone cares...to feel loved..to have relationships with each other. Most importantly to have a relationship with Him. Social media is just the newest way we have created to try and fill that void.

Dont' get me wrong, I enjoy facebook. I recently connected with a good friend from my childhood...so many good memories. And I have been able to keep up with another friends hospital recovery. I have the most fun on FB during NFL games as I chat with my fellow Cheeseheads. However, it can't be a substitute for those real friendships. The ones our parents and grandparents had...friendship that can't be ended with the click of a button.

The Things They Say...

We spent a weekend in Gatlinburg and as we pulled in one night the sky was clear and the stars were abundant. I said, "Joshua, look at the sky there are so many stars! You can even see the big dipper." Katherine, scrambling to get out of the car says, "I want to see the apple dippers!" I'm thinking maybe too many trips to McDonalds?



At the grocery the other day Lydia asks, "When I get big can I change my name?"
Me, "No, why do you have a different name picked out?"
Lydia, "Yes, Swirley! because I like to swirl and twirl like this!" ...as she swirls and twirls down the ailse.



Katherine, "I know what happens when you eat too much junk food."
Me, "Oh, what is that?"
Katherine, "You get flat."
Me, thinking she is getting flat and fat confused, "Really? do you mean fat?"
Katherine, "No, flat...like this" and she lies on the floor, flat on her back.



At a restaurant the other day Katherine exclaims, "Look! I not real!" and suddenly makes herself stiff like a statue, arms down by her side, neither blinking nor moving her eyes...staring at nothing.



On the way to school the other day Katherine says, "I hope we crash our car today."
Me, thinking she had a word confused, "What? crash our car?"
Katherine, "I hope we crash our car so we can buy a new one."
My husband obviously put her up to that one.


Preparing dinner the other night, I said, "This is may favorite dinner...it smells soooo good."
Lydia, "I know my favorite dinner!"
Me, "Really, what is that?"
Lydia, "That brown stuff with the red stuff on top."
Me, "I don't know what that is."
Lydia, "You know, that stuff that doesn't look good-but is really is?"
Meatloaf. Seriously, what 5 year old loves meatloaf?

Me, "You guys are going to Ms. Crystal's house after school tomorrow because I have a conference with Lydia's teacher."
Joshua, "What is a conference?"
Me, "A time for me to meet with Lydia's teacher to see how she is doing in school."
Lydia, "Oh, she's doing good."
Me, "What? Who is doing good?"
Lydia, "Mrs. Angie, she is doing okay at school."

Family Bible Time:
We were talking about the Israelites eating manna and quail for 40 years in the desert...breakfast, lunch, dinner...and yes, even snacktime. We asked the kids what they thought of that and Joshua said, "I would get tired of eating the samething all the time." Lydia says, "Well, only if it were Pop-tarts, I'd like to eat Pop-tarts all the time!"

A few nights later during family Bible time...Moses receiving the 10 Commandments. We asked the kids if they could name them, Joshua and Lydia were doing well so we asked Katherine if she could remember any of them. Steve gave her the prompt, "it starts with "do not..."" to which Katherine exclaims, "Do not bug!" (Joshua is constantly in trouble for bugging his sisters.)

On the way to school last week Katherine asks, "Mommy do we have eyebones?"
Me, "eyebones?"
Katherine, "yes, eyebones."
Me, "No honey, we don't have eyebones."
Katherine, "well they just talked about eyebones on the radio."
The radio was on but I had no idea what was playing. Joshua overhearing the conversations clarifies, "No Katherine, not eyebones...iphone...it's a commercial for the iphone!"

As the kids get older, the chores they are responsible for change. Katherine has watched the chore of unloading the dishwasher each day be passed from Joshua to Lydia and now to her. While unloading it the other morning she asks Steve, "When are we going to have another kid in the house?" She was quite disappointed in Steve's answer. I think she figures she is stuck with that one forever.

And just this morning while brushing Lydia's teeth, we were talking about Joshua bugging the girls and the appropriate response to such "bugging" when she asks-with all the seriousness a five year old can ask, "who is ever going to marry Joshua?!"

I have not deliberately been remiss in blogging. Simply stated, I lost the month of January. We may have a doctor in the house but we seem to get sick as much as anyone else! Between strep throat, the flu and the stomach bug, I have been somewhat busy.

I think one of the hardest things about being a mom of multiple youngsters is when I get sick. I had the flu for a week and before I could fully recover-came down with a stomach bug. Katherine at one point asked me if I was going to die. Although on day 7 or 8 I was thinking the same thing, I assured her that I would once again get off the couch and play with her. She said, "but when you don't eat you die. And you don't eat." My husband visited every fast food restaurant in town during those two long weeks. And I don't even want to talk about how many hours of PBS Kids and Nick Jr. my children watched! Joshua stayed home from school one of the days, we thought he had the stomach bug. Little did he know that I was sicker than him. He not only took care of me that day, he also took care of Katherine, and did a little laundry.

Anyway, we now have clean clothes, food in the house, I have spent lots of lost time with my kiddos, I'm caught up on my Bible studies, phone calls have been made, the budget is done, parts of the house are clean (it is never all clean), and so now I blog.

February 6, 2011 will go down in history as a day of excitement, elation, and disappointment for our family. For the first time in 45 years of Superbowl history the Greenbay Packers and the Pittsburg Steelers played for the Lombardi Trophy. Those of you who know us well know that Steve is a Steelers fan and I am a Cheesehead. Without going into the details of the game...the Lombardi Trophy came home! The height of my excitement was met equally with the depths of Steve's disappointment.

Disappointment. No one likes it. Everyone deals with it. So what do we do? Some disappointments are trivial such as losing a board game (yes we are still working on that one) or missing a ball game. Others are big such as not getting the job or finding out a friend has been lying to you. Then there are the life changing disappointments...maybe we call them tragedies - the unfaithfulness of a spouse or the diagnosis of a terminal cancer. We pray for a miracle, we beg and plead and maybe even bargain with the Lord God. Only to receive the answer we so feared.

Ultimately, regardless of the intensity of the disappoinment, we have to resolve the issue of Who God Is. This is for both the believer and the non-believer alike. What do I believe about God? Do I trust Him? A roller coaster faith is one that trusts God for what He does. A solid faith is one that trust God for Who He is. Do you see the difference?

One says I trust God as long as things are going good for me and those around me, but when bad times come (and they always do) I begin to doubt either God's sovereignty, His power, or His love for me.

The other says I trust God. Period. No matter what life hands me I know God is Sovereign. God is Good. And God loves Me. I just spoke with a friend the other day who spoke those words to me...she has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Partly because of life's circumstances but also because I am reading an incredible book entitled Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free (which I think every women should read!). I am also in a Bible study that is addressing these same foundational issues. Interesting to me that it just all lined up so that I am concurrently reading that particular book (of all the books on my "list"), taking this particular Bible study (chosen by our group 2-3 months ago), and dealing with some hard life issues. Some call it coincidence. I call it Sovereignty.

To get back to February 6, 2011. Being the supportive and empathetic wife that I am, I could only boast for so long. Although my team truimphed over my husbands, I went out of my way to brighten Steve's day on the following Monday. I took a surprise goody tray to his work that included treats such as cheese puffs, queso dip and chips, and cheese chunks. It's a great time to be a Cheesehead!